The First Step to Improvement

Posted on Sat Jun 7th, 2025 @ 11:34am by Ensign Matt Connor & Lieutenant Jaina Zalla

886 words; about a 4 minute read

The door to the security office slid open with a soft hiss as Ensign Matt Connor entered. His uniform was pressed, but there was a faint tension in his posture. He hadn’t been in the security office much lately, not unless it was to complete his shift or fill out mandatory reports. His eyes found Lieutenant Jaina Zalla at her desk and he headed over to stand before her desk.

Jaina's eyes had darted up and seen the ensign enter the security officer but she didn’t immediately acknowledge him, though her gaze flickered for a moment. She was still concerned about the conversation she had had with the first officer, but she knew that things were most likely too far in motion to be avoided now. Jaina had simply tried to avoid the situation entirely for now, but it seemed that ignoring the problem was quickly becoming impossible.

"Lieutenant, do you have a minute?" Matt asked, bracing to attention.

Jaina looked up, her expression unreadable. For a second, there was a flash of concern in her eyes, but it quickly masked itself under her usual professional demeanor. "I always have time for you, Ensign, as I do for every officer in my department. What’s on your mind?"

Matt took a deep breath, fighting the knot in his stomach. He hadn’t been this uneasy in a long time, but now, with Zalla looking at him like that, he couldn’t ignore the growing weight of his own self-awareness. He seemed to sway while standing at attention, trying to keep his voice steady. "I...I need to apologize, Lieutenant." His words came out blunt and awkward, like he’d rehearsed them a dozen times and couldn’t quite get it right. "I haven’t been doing my job lately. Haven’t been performing up to standard. I’ve been acting out of line. My attitude, my actions, they haven’t been up to the level you expect from me." He paused, the weight of it all hanging in the air between them. "I let my personal feelings interfere with my job, and I feel that I've betrayed the trust of the officers I serve with, starting with you. I haven't been much of an officer lately, and I want to try to do better."

Jaina didn't respond right away. Her gaze was steady, unwavering, like she was evaluating him on some deeper level. Finally, she set the PADD she had been reading down with a soft tap and leaned back in her chair. "Ensign, the truth is your recent behavior hasn’t gone unnoticed by the rest of the crew." She let the words settle before continuing. "What’s going on? I don’t want an apology unless I know what’s behind it."

Matt felt his face flush with embarrassment but he nodded silently. "Honestly ma'am it’s... mostly personal. I let it go to my head when I graduated from the academy and didn't think that I had to really keep putting in so much effort. That I could just do anything I wanted and still rise in the ranks as long as my job got done. And I made sure that my duties were done. But then there was that away mission where I screwed up, and being denied for promotion when everyone else moved on up to lieutenant. It just made me not care in a way."

Jaina studied him for a moment, her expression softening just a fraction. She wasn’t about to coddle him, but she knew better than to push too hard. Instead, she offered a small, measured nod. "I’m not going to pretend I don’t expect better from you Ensign. But you put yourself in this position. And I expect you to pull yourself together and work your way out of it. But, that doesn't mean you have to do it by yourself. This crew is willing to help you. But you have to ask, just like you have to put in the effort. That's all we're going to ask from you, Mister Connor. Work on bettering yourself. That's why we're here in Starfleet in the first place."

Matt swallowed hard and nodded. He had always been good at following orders, but this was different. This was a personal choice. One that wasn’t about just executing orders, but about finding a way to balance everything and it would mean the difference between him staying in Starfleet or not. "I’m going to work on it. I’ll get myself together, and I’ll focus. I know I need to step up and improve myself, and I promise that I'll start to make more of an effort."

Jaina nodded approvingly and her tone was slightly softer than usual when she spoke. "Good. But don’t let it fester. If something’s bothering you, talk to someone. We’re here for more than just the job, we’re here for each other too."

Matt nodded. "Yes ma'am. Thank you."

"Don’t thank me yet, Ensign," Jaina said with a slight smirk. "Now get back to work. We’ll see how you handle the next drill."

With that, Connor gave a quick salute, feeling lighter than he had in days, before turning to leave the office.

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