The Weight We Carry

Posted on Sun Sep 7th, 2025 @ 8:17am by Commander Alesia Harrington & Lieutenant Jaina Zalla

855 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Respite

The corridors of the Eclipse were quiet during the overnight hours. Other than the muted sounds of someone shuffling through, the ship was filled with just the muted hum of the Eclipse’s engines and the soft glow of the running lights. Jaina had walked there without consciously deciding to. Her feet had seemed to have carried her before her mind caught up. She stood outside Alesia Harrington’s quarters, hands clenched into fists at her sides. She had tried to sleep, but the moment she closed her eyes she saw Karl Rogers fall, heard Noa Oku’s voice screaming. The images wouldn’t let her rest. Jaina’s thumb hovered over the door chime. She shouldn’t be here. It was the middle of the night. She was supposed to be stronger than this. But she pressed it anyway.

The soft chime roused Alesia from the half-sleep she’d been drifting in. She frowned, pulling on a robe as she crossed the room. At this hour, a visitor usually meant bad news. She keyed the panel, and the door slid open. Jaina stood there, looking like she hadn’t slept in days. Her eyes were red, her posture taut with barely contained strain. “Jaina,” Alesia said softly, concern cutting through the fog of sleep. She stepped aside without asking. “Come in.”

Jaina entered slowly, the door hissing shut behind her like a secret being kept. For a moment, she couldn’t speak. The quarters were dim, lit only by the glow of the stars outside the view port. She tried to force words out. “I . . . I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” Her voice cracked. She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly cold. “They’re gone, Alesia,” she whispered. “Rogers. Oku. I can’t—” Her throat closed around the words.

Alesia moved closer without hesitation, slipping her arms around Jaina and pulling her in. She felt the tremor in the younger woman’s body as she held her. “You should have come,” Alesia murmured into her hair. “You don’t have to carry this alone.” She guided Jaina toward the couch, easing her down gently. One hand remained at her back, steady and grounding. “Talk to me. What’s happening inside you right now?”

Jaina sat stiffly at first, hands gripping her knees. Then the dam broke. “I was there,” she said, words tumbling out in ragged fragments. “I watched them die. I fought to keep the others alive, and I did, but I couldn’t save them. I keep asking myself why I made it out when they didn’t. Why Rogers isn’t here giving orders. Why Oku isn’t in the lab laughing at some stupid joke. It should have been me.” She buried her face in her hands, shoulders shaking. “I see it over and over. I hear it. I smell it. I can’t make it stop.”

Alesia listened, her chest tightening at every word. She knew survivor’s guilt when she heard it. She had seen it before, lived it herself in other missions. She reached up, gently pulling Jaina’s hands away from her face so she could look her in the eyes. “Listen to me. It was not your fault. You did what you had to do, what you were trained to do. You saved lives. Rogers and Oku knew the risks when they put on the uniform, the same as you. Their deaths weren’t on you.” Her thumb brushed a tear from Jaina’s cheek. “You’re alive, Jaina. So are the others who came back with you.”

Jaina’s breath came in uneven gasps. She wanted to believe Alesia’s words, but the guilt gnawed at her, sharp and insistent. “I keep hearing Noa’s voice. It was her first mission, and she was so young. And Rogers always seemed untouchable. Like nothing could break him. And now he’s just gone.” She leaned forward, resting her forehead against Alesia’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to keep going like this.”

Alesia held her, letting the silence stretch for a moment. Outside the view port, the stars slid past, endless and cold. Inside, warmth and grief collided in the fragile space between them. “You keep going because that’s what they would want,” she said softly. “Because this crew still needs you. I still need you.” She pressed a kiss to Jaina’s temple, lingering there. “Let yourself grieve. Let yourself feel it. But don’t let it swallow you whole. You’re not alone. Not while I’m here.”

The words seeped into Jaina like warmth after a long chill. She didn’t feel whole, not even close, but she felt held. Safe, for the first time since the station. Her breathing slowed, her tears ebbing into silence. She closed her eyes, letting the steady rhythm of Alesia’s heartbeat anchor her. “Don’t let go,” she whispered.

Alesia didn’t. Leaning back, she pulled Jaina closer to her and just held her, allowing the younger woman to find the peace she sought even if it was only for a moment.

 

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